This is a question I find myself asking ALL OF THE TIME. Weather its in the aftermath of an all out gladiator style argument with the babies moms, or when I’m unable to do something due to financial and time responsibilities of being a father.
At first I would feel guilty for posing this question, and god forbid I pose this question aloud to a women. It’s without question that I love my kids more then anything. Actually they’re my first experience in truly loving. STILL… at 20 I was in no way, shape, or form ready to father 2 people. Was JUST getting use to taking care of myself.
So the occassional “What if I woulda walked away from their mom when I and EVERYBODY that KNEW me was telling me I should” question use to pop up after a tough day of being an adult, Work, School, then taking care of twins that need lots of taking care of.
THEN it went to a daily unconcious occurence.. Like everytime I have to pass going out to lunch with my co-workers because I know I can’t really afford to spend $8-10 on a wed. or When all of my friends are going out, I don’t go because 1 I feel awkward being a dad in a club, and 2 felt beyond guilty for spending a dime other then on them.
On top of that I was still having to fight with the oppossition(babies moms and her fam) just to do the right thing. Caring what they thought and or said didn’t last long as I’ve always felt/knew that they were idiots.
So im publicly posing my WHAT IF… What if I dropped dead tomorrow? They undoubtely would still find ways of blaming shit on me… abondoning my responsilities, smh.
